dani jackson, advice columnist?

*Clearly, anyone who makes a face like this, and takes a picture of it, not really someone you should be taking advice from...

Like I enjoy doing, I will start off this "advice" post by saying, I have pretty much no qualifications, or any reason really to think I should give advice.  I don't particularly know if I give good advice.  In fact, this advice column is really unique in the sense that no one has really asked for my advice... but I thought "Dani Jackson, girl who spouts out un-asked-for opinions" wouldn't quite draw the readers in...

So, no I do not have any Dr. Phil experience, but I am alive, and I do get annoyed/annoy other people from time to time.  In my opinion, this is enough to give advice.  Here are a few little nuggets for you to digest.

- Boys: If we are fighting, do not ask the question "Are you serious?" or anything of the like.  If we are arguing, I am absolutely serious about each and everything I say.  More than that, I am passionate about each thing I say as well.  Asking "Are you serious?"  not only wastes time and a lot of mouth energy on your part, but odds are it will make me want to be a girl who seriously slaps you.  Don't make me be that girl.  

- Girls: Don't talk *crap about your friends, ever.  Crap includes anything you would probably not say word for word to someones face.  I understand the need to "vent," but that's why we have Moms, boyfriends, sisters, and a lot of other people who really don't care.  You tell these people, because you know that's where the conversation is going to end.  But telling something about one girlfriend to another, you know that's going to spread.  

And don't facilitate the crap!  If Friend A starts talking to you about what Friend B was saying at your last get together, seriously walk away.  Nothing screams "I'MANAWFULFRIEND!" like when a friend starts trash talking another one of their friends to you, because guess who those two are talking about when you're not around.  It's a baaad sign.  Don't send it, and when you see it, well... don't say I didn't warn you.

-Boys: Posting endless song lyrics and quotes about how much you respect women and how every woman deserves to be treated like a princess is not attractive.  It doesn't make you look like a diamond in the rough.  Also don't post things about how "good guys always finish last, I'm always in the friend zone."  Yeah, now you are.  You just single handedly placed yourself into that file.  Girls don't like "arrogance," they like a guy who likes himself and thinks he's a good guy and is proud of it.  And if I were feeling really inspirational I might even through in a #YOLO, right about there.

-Girls: Don't be afraid to be smart, or funny, or weird, or goofy.  I feel like as a girl, the number one thing I should always be aiming to be is pretty or hot, and personally, I find that pretty boring.  I mean, if I woke up looking like ScarJo (which is just a little nickname I have for my close, personal friend Scarlett Johansson), I would probably not be a complainer (I would also probably give a few victorious fist pumps).  But let's aim to be more like Kristen Wiig, or Tina Fey, or Drew Barrymore.  Why are these women successful?  Because they aren't afraid to be ugly and goofy and offer something to the table.  

-Boys: Don't fart in front of us in public.  There is literally no way I can react that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.  Do I ignore it?  Comment?  Nope, not finding anyway I can get out of this without being awkward.  And on top of that, now it stinks.  So overall, thanks.

-Girls: Why are we always hating on other girls?  Because last I checked, we all have quite a bit in common.  So why are we in constant competition?  I'm going to be the first to drop out of this secret war we never talk about (but don't we all know what I'm talking about here?), and say I'm not competing anymore.  The advice part?  Uhm, join me?

That's about all I got.  So if you're feeling me, let me know.  Oh, and if you have any actual situation you would like some complimentary advice* on, let me know!  Send it to this handy dandy Facebook page made for this blog!

*Advice given has not been proven or tested to work, and may, in reality, be a bad idea and the receiver of said advice should proceed with caution and not punch the advice giver in the face if advice does not yield desired results.  And although advice is complimentary, the giver of the advice will accept gifts if the advice, against all odds, seems to help.  You down?