Oscar's best and worst dressed according to someone with no fashion credentials...

Last night was of course the Academy Awards which, really, is the only awards show I ever watch.  My parents are pretty cute about it and we all fill out ballots (despite the fact that we have no idea what we're talking about) and it's a pretty darn good time.  Of course, we all LOVE to love/hate what the stars are wearing.  And before I get the whole "What do you know?" thing, I'm gonna start out with "nothing."  I know close to nothing really about high fashion and dress design and blah blah blah, but I do have eyeballs.  So I'm gonna say that gives me a little opportunity say when something looks awesome (in my opinion) and when something looks like a hot mess, minus the hot.  Which equals just a mess.  ALSO, I understand the whole "Who really cares, there are SOOO many more pressing issues than what some people wore to a big party" bit, I'm gonna agree with you.  But I don't feel like talking about any of those things at this moment.  So without further ado, here is the best and worst of the Oscar's according to me. Oh, and I didn't include the designers because a.) I don't know most of them, b.) I don't really care that much.

worst

Melissa McCarthy - Hey lady, I adore you.  You made me crack up in Bridesmaids, to the point that i almost* peed.  (*Almost was added in to avoid my personal embarrassment, but I may or may not have actually peed. Minus the may not...)  I understand that a curvier figure is going to be slightly more challenging that those other skinny minny starlets who wear whatevs, but this is definitely not the best I've seen you in.  The cape sleevey thing, I really just don't quite understand it.  And I don't like it. That's gotta go.

Anna Faris - You're adorable, but the hair is not awesome.  And that dress is very boring and cheap and tacky.  I'm sorry, but I probably could have picked up the same thing if I wanted to at Forever 21, which makes you silly for not saving your buckets of dough.

Jennifer Lopez - I don't like the arm cutouts and I'm about 98.5% positive I witnessed nip partway through your presentation.  And is it just me, or do you wear that bun thing a lot?  Very Jenny from the block, but let's mix it up a little bit.  And -10 points for doing that "I'm going to turn around and make everyone look at my bum while I present" thing.  You really need to make someone else's award about YOU?  Disappointed.

Emma Stone - I'm just not a fan of the dress with your hair color.  I L-O-V-E LOVED your pale peach dress and blonde hair you wore that one time.  (Anyone know what I'm talking about?)  But this bow thing on your neck.  Yeah, I'm not feelin' the love this time around.

Enough with that negativity!

best

Mila Jovovich - Asymmetrical sleeves are a little hit and miss with me, but this is definitely a hit and battleship sink.  I love the soft, glamorous hair that seemed trendy this year, and the red lips give the pop of color that her dress is lacking.  Kudos, Mila.  Kudos.

Cameron Diaz - Despite your involvement in making the presentation of Best Make-Up into a "look at me" joke (shame, shame), you did look stunning while you did it.  Beige has received a lot of criticism for being boring, but with her bronzy glow I think it looks bomb.

Giuliana Rancic - I think this dress is absolutely stunning.  The glitz, the flowy, the makeup, the hair.  I can really think of nothing other than perfection.  And for that, I salute you.

Penelope Cruz - This woman here always seems to be one of my favorites at award shows.  I feel like I have never seen her not looking beautiful.  The color is gorgeous, and there's that glamorous, vintagey hair I love.  

unsure

Viola Davis - I adore the natural hair.  People are used to seeing her in a wig, I understand, but I still am annoyed with everyone criticizing her for wearing her hair naturally.  You can't blame Hollywood for celebs setting false expectations for beauty for young girls, then get upset and bash someone for going au naturale.  On the other hand, this dress is still iffy for me.  Color: exquisite.  And I do like the bottom of the skirt,  but let's be honest, I'm seeing more than I would care to of the twins.  And I'm not even a prude.

Michelle Williams - I also think this color is fabulous, and I like that she's sporting her platinum Marilyn-esque locks,  but I'm not sure I'm crazy about that extra little skirty thing going on.  No, in fact I think I can say I do not like it much at all.

Stacy Whatever Her Name Is George Clooney's Girlfriend (That's your name from now on) - Once again, color yay!  Shape, possibly a nay...  You're a beautiful girl, and I love the hair and BASIC shape of the dress.  Just not quite feeling that whirlpool in your sea of gold.

Natalie Portman - You ladyfriend, are one of my favorites.  And I applaud you for your vintage Dior choice.  However my jury is still out on the polka dots...

Wow.  So that's where I'm at with this whole Oscar's fashion thing.  Congratulations if you made it all the way through!  Now I am going to go about my day in my holy socks and rag tag jeans.

Happy Monday!!